“Maannnn you’ve got you a young Michael Ealy on your hands!! He’s gonna be a lady killer!!! Look at those eyes, he’s gonna have to fight em off with a stick!! OMG HE’S JUST SOOO BEAUTIFUL!!” Those were among the many comments made to me when folks saw you for the first time last weekend. Indeed, comments about your physical appearance, particularly your eyes, curly hair, skin tone, etc., are at the top of stranger’s comments when they first encounter us. However, when it happened this last time, it got me to thinking about what I want you to see and value in yourself, and what type of man I want you to become. There are so many wonderful things about you that will add value to this world son. So many contributions to humanity that I fully expect you to make young man. And in order for you to be able to do those things, you must become the best version of yourself possible. One of the foundational pillars of becoming that best version is having a healthy self- image. That self-image includes a clear understanding of who you are, as well as knowing where your self worth comes from, and for the purposes of this article, an understanding of where your self worth DOES NOT come from.
You see son, oftentimes society places undue value on physical characteristics. Undue because how you look is NEVER an indication of whether or not you’re a good person, and I want you to be intentional about rejecting the temptation to feel special because society has decided to categorize you as “handsome”. In God’s eyes you ARE special; uniquely formed in HIS image. But how He sees you isn’t rooted in the same things that the world sees. Like I said a second ago, I have no doubt that the world will one day know your name; it just won’t be because of your outward appearance.
The truth is that western society has decided that certain euro-centric features are the gold standard for beauty. As a biracial man with both African American and European features, some will label your look as “exotic.” You’ll be afforded a certain level of privilege because in the eyes of the superficial, your looks make you special.
NO.
Your proximity to whiteness in your physical features, while not being white, can sometimes be fetishized; by white AND black folks. You must resist the temptation to become enamored with your outward appearance, or to define yourself based on how attractive you are. Now I wanna be clear; This isn’t to suggest that you should be ashamed or disdainful of how you look. You absolutely shouldn’t. You are a handsome boy, and I’m sure you’ll grow up to be an equally handsome man. My point is that your being handsome in and of itself isn’t anything special, and more importantly doesn’t make YOU special. The truth is, you didn’t do anything to look the way you do. Your physical appearance is a result of the genetic combination of DNA from your mother and I. Which is just a long winded way of saying don’t ever get caught up on yourself when you look in the mirror bro.
So why am I telling you all this? Because I see far too many people who have an unhealthy obsession with how they look. For whatever reason, society has communicated how enamored it is with their physical appearance. As a result, these people have internalized that message, and rooted their entire self image in outward appearance. The result is most often an extremely superficial, and emotionally handicapped person. Someone with little to no people skills, zero empathy, and a bloated and woefully unjustified self image that has no basis in reality.
Instead of your eye color, impress people with your kindness Zion. When folks make fetishistic comments about your hair texture, respond with words affirming the beauty in all types of hair. Strive at all costs to be an emotionally healthy, and mature man who is proud of his contributions to the world, rather than an unhealthy obsession with what some in society will suggest is your most important characteristic.
A kind heart, a critical mind, a desire to serve, and a Godly soul will take you places in this world that blue eyes alone never could.
Love, Dad
Indy N.E.R.V.E. 
It’s a great article and I appreciate the intentional effort these parents put in to raising their children. Would love to know more about his Italian heritage as that’s not even acknowledged in this article.
My issue though as a white-passing biracial person with lived experience in this space, is that I absolutely love when people notice my features that don’t resonate with white culture. I spent so many years raised by a white mother with no understanding of my blackness or heritage that it affected me. All of me. Especially my identity. I have literal scars on my body from straightening my hair trying to fit in with the white people I was raised around. I avoided my Black family because I had no understanding of that culture.
I had some interesting life experiences that put me in places where I had to live with black women, and it wasn’t until then that I understood my hair or what to do with it. Or that my big nose was ok! And that there was a reason none of my jeans ever fit right. I may look white, but I carry all my ancestry with me and it’s part of my identity. It’s part of our culture. I’m so proud to see people like Rashida Jones, Kamala Harris, that look like me and struggle with identity too!
I do love the article but it elicited a response I wasn’t expecting, which is why I posted because some times defensiveness is due to something we should work on. 💜
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